How to Be a Hipster
It might be a taboo word for some, associated with everything that’s wrong with the world, but what the fuck is a hipster really? And if we’re being honest, aren’t we all secretly hipsters? If you’re going to do it, you better do it right. Here are the main requirements:
Drink Artisanal Shit:
It doesn’t matter if it’s coffee, or tea from the Amazon, or cocktails made with ostrich semen, as long as a bunch of work goes into making it, you should be drinking it.
No self-respecting hipster would ever leave the house without a full face of beard. And not just any beard will do. Yours will need to be pristine and shiny. Use Mr. Rugged Bold Beard Balm, an all-natural product, to tame that wild animal into something hip.
Listen to Obscure Music:
You will have to listen to a random collection of sounds that remotely hint at a melody, but never quite get there. Are the sounds of mowing your lawn considered music in hipsterdom? If you can run them over a track featuring an instrument from the 1920s and slap on some lackluster cover art, then indeed they are.
Go to a store that smells like your grandad’s favorite armchair. Find the most misshapen and oddly patterned thing in there. Pair it with the most expensive jeans you can find and boom! You’re lookin’ fly as fuck.
You’ll Need a Bike:
It really doesn’t matter if you never learned to ride a fixie or are terrified shitless of the idea of speeding through moving traffic on something with no breaks. Owning a bike seals the deal, even if you have to walk it.
At the end of the day, hipster is a broad, stereotypical term with no real meaning. Regardless of your feelings about “hipsters,” there is no doubt that a good beard goes a long way.